THE RIGHT ONE

I saw I have a draft here that I never posted, maybe it's about time to reveal some of my old thoughts and see if they've changed....

So I am sitting alone in the dark with a glass of wine. I promise I am not drunk, at least not yet...
I promise also I am not sad or broken!
I was thinking about my past, as sad as it was, there were so many moments that were good, that I miss, that I wish I relive it again. Don't you have moments like that, wishing you can turn the clock back and experience them again.
The moments I miss most is falling in love. That period of my life where I was foolish in love without thinking, without limits, so sweet, so strong and so emotionally crazy... I fell in love so many times, that I have no idea how my heart could of loved so many men... (of course not all at the same time). I was having hope and so much optimism that "this is the one"... And when looking back on that I ask myself how was that possible, so easy to happen and now is almost not existing. I don't think I changed at all, but I think the years changed the  men to something else... It is so hard to fall in love, you almost think that is impossible...
Back then was easy to meet someone, fall in love and build a future in your heads together of how life together would look like and be. Now it is hard to build that something on top of already build life... So I assume is hard to meet similar life to yours or another already build life that would fit with yours.
I remember how often I was hearing how beautiful I was and that made my world, now I hear it more often and I don't even know how to respond... I remember how sweet was to meet around the corner unexpectedly and steal a kiss from the love one, now that is not happening... First you have to call, then appoint a date and reserve a restaurant and blah blah and so on... You see there is no spontaneous acts at all. Before I had no expectations now I have some, to be a caring person, to be employed so I don't have to pick up the bill on my date every time, to be smart and not to embarrass me, to be loving father figure, to love animals and so much more... I don't know why is that, am I asking for too much? But there is so much I can give and all that I just said I am capable of giving, why that can't be from the opposite side as well? Am I looking for the perfect one or I should just saddle for the shmack one? Or maybe I am just looking for just the right one! I know who I am and I know what do I want, I am also not needy nor depend upon anyone. I am one independent woman and I can tell you right now, I can be alone. But if you want to be my partner, so be one!!!