Saturday, December 29, 2012


Ain't easy being you, life of a celebrity, everyone knows you and everyone fallows you around, and around where you go...
All the flashes, all the claps and smiles, and yet always drama... Straggle with your every breath seeing all around you, feeling in the dark...
Yet all the warmth in your heart, it's gotta be true...I just feel it! It must be big and strong to bear all this pain you show...Be a rock! Dark child, there is a light! Stay straight! Be game! The light is knocking on your door, don't straggle over that, just make a step and grab the knob... The world hasn't turned silenced, it is not always black all around. The clouds might be dark, could be cold and raining or even snowing, but guess what's next?! The sun shines after, and remember time is irredeemable! Can you hear me, I can scream out loud if you don't.
See, I know, can't be easy being you, but do you know I am here now. I can teach you slowly how to smile at first, make you laugh at second and made you run with me at last...
You don't have to sit alone in that dark room, I can let you out on the sunrise...It's ok if you don't see the sun at first, just hold me tightly, and I am not just saying is just around the corner...It is right there, we'll seek it, if you can't see it better, we will go like moving cart, down the streets...just around the corner, right there. If I have to I will sing it to the world, make believe....
Stay with me and find out with me, infinity of life..You can count on me even in the darkness, because I will be right here for you and you will be right next to me... seeing for the first time the sunrise. And remember after the sunset, there is gonna be again another sunrise. 
I can see it in your head how you feel the light, it is true... I feel ya! I know it is not an easy thing to say how you feel nor I, but what is there to gain or lose from showing to the world. I pray to God only that you can recognize the light and goodness all around me. I can be your ground if you falling down... 
The thing you can have it now it contain in me... You define the existence...Because I traded a frown for the smile, wearing it now proudly, because of you and only, it is true...for you... 
I am not afraid of your dark world, you can try reading me, but would be diving in the ocean with no gear. 
But you can hold my hand, and take a step with me, by step... Relax, I promise not to go back, or be in a circle, just ahead towards warm and won't be an owl in the wilderness...Watch the shadows passing by...You have been away, all night, thousand miles...but now you can come with me...For a little ride, kiss the dark and shadows goodbye, it's gonna be alright...
Is the sky getting brighter and brighter?!What is the first thing you see as you open your eyes?

Wednesday, December 19, 2012


I walk alone in this crazy world meeting people from a different worlds,
not believing all their minds and auctions. I hear about shootings, in schools, in theaters, in spas, in temples, is it anywhere safe at all any more?
Should I have a gun under my coat or in my purse, having knife under my clothes, hide my money, tell; my kids not to go to school?
Where is Batman in this case? Where is YOU? What the hell are you thinking right now? You think you can solve all your problems with a gun or beat up your friends or people you never met before because you are mad at the world?
It is everywhere I feel people with masks and with the wrong purpose. In stead of being the man and be our protector as the stronger and powerful figure, you rather beat up everyone around you with word of violence or physical auction.
I see you all over, with your regular clothes, but wearing that mask you think of a "hero" talking down to women and men, laying hand upon and feeling good about it. Killing a child, something we created together. We all live together you know, we all provide for each other, some thought you for years in school, some give you birth and fed you, some give you a chance in this world to prove yourself and what you did at the end?! It is a shame we don't appreciate each other, it is a shame we hate each other for whatever reason, it is a shame what we do to each other, yet we give that bad example to others and teach the nation with it...
Do you know what is to give birth and gave up so much of your life for it? Do you know what is to wake up thousand times at night and walk to the kid's room and watch and listen your baby for breathing? Do you know what is the feeling when you teach a kid in school something and see it later succeed in life and be happy in life/ Do you know what is to see you just walking down the street?
What happen to you people, with saying the truth and be honest when you really smile and when you are really sad and talk about it, why all the hiding behind the wrong masks? Why can we all be batmen and Catwomen and show the world we can be better. Why all the fight for what? We are all the same, we sleep under the same sky, we eat the same food and we all speak, why not use the language instead of the weapons...?Why, oh why..?
Where is Batman, I mean where is the real YOU?

Friday, December 7, 2012


I wonder, is that you?Are you telling me the truth, that is really you who you really are?!
After all the search I've done... After all the years that pass by, in dreams, in illusions,in my written stories, is that really you?
I sit alone and look at your face, dark hair, light eyes, just as my dreams, did I make a mistake, or that is really you? I have to get up and try, try, try, keep wonder and find out.
I don't want to any more cry, are you just getting by? I wonder, I just wonder, is it really you???
I want to meet you, I want to hold you, I want to kiss you, I just wanna try, try, try... Is it really you?
I don't wanna look anymore, I am tired, I walk a long way, I don't want to dance anymore alone...
I will wear you out, I will carry you out, I will love you so much... It won't get any worst, I only wonder is it really you...

Useless... Why me, God why me...

How are you? - Good
How is your job?- The same...
Do you get more hours?- No I quit!
Where are you working now?- My old job.
When I am going to see you again?- I don't know
So how is the love life?- Good
How is that boyfriend of yours?- I don't have a boyfriend.Men disappoint me.
You should try women!- And you should try men!
Did you make that sushi?- No
Where did you get it from?-The store.
Which one?- Woodmans
Which one?- In Oak Creek
Are you happy, you sound down?- I am having sushi, wine and I am jamming on cool music, how do you know I am sounding down when you don't even hear me, we are chatting on FB.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012


Do you reside within my mind's recess 
Or do you stand a hand's breadth away? 

Are you a figment of my imagination 
Or a promise held at bay? 

Did we know each other in a prior life 
Or will we find one another here? 

Will you know me if you see me 
Or will you never draw near? 

Where are you, my love? 

Will you wrap your arms around me 
Will you whisper in my ear? 

Will you fill the emptiness within me? 
Will you drive away my fears? 

Will I have to wait another lifetime 
Or one more minute or day? 

Do you seek me as I seek you 
Or are you content to stay away? 

Where are you, my love? 

Tuesday, December 4, 2012


So I have this policy in Bulgarian, exact translation would be "Where I spit, I don't lick back." Which would mean if I turn my back on something or someone I wouldn't go back.
I have been thinking long time with years now, I really can't hold a grudge against anyone and as bad as it was, now all is water under the bridge.
I love the idea to give a chance again and say maybe even sorry if I did anything wrong. I had many people in my life that I pushed away or they did me, but I never forgot any of them and I always wish I could keep in touch and talks time to time...Or maybe its just the idea of being on good terms no matter what.
So, here I am giving you a chance, say something. I am sorry for whatever I did, wish you all the best and I am really happy for your life and success so far, I am sure there is so much of it by now :).
We all had our reasons to dislike each other at some point, but my negative feelings at the time were never true, only my good feelings are genuine, and the bad are something for the moment connected to reason I never understood even now. So I think it would be nice to let go old negative energy or bad feelings, just because that was really never in me, just around me.
I am giving second chance, would you give me a second chance too? Either way I wish you the best whenever you are...

Sunday, December 2, 2012


Learn how to fly a plane.
Name a boat.
Go around the world and take a picture of all cool places I see.
Build a home here and have another one overseas.
Have a huge loft with a lots of sun light where I can do all my art projects.
Be the star of a kick ass action movie where would have horses and gun powders along with blades.
Fall in love again.
Build a great house for my mother and brother where they won't worry about anything.
Publish my book and the second, and the third and so on...
Be able to go anywhere I want any time I want.
Learn how to turn back time when I screw up.
Have something really old and really valuable.
Have a car which you can't see everywhere.
Have an assistant.
Meet Kat Von D, the Queen and Angelina Jolie.
Learn how to play a musical instrument.
Take care of my best friend and make her happier every each day.
Have my amazing long hair back.