STANDING BY

To want some one in your life I find out is standing by so they all say. To need someone is not true, as we are humans and you need food, water, air and etc. But what if you need someone as much as water and food, air and etc.? I believe is possible as I already prove myself I could sacrifice water and food for someone I needed in my life and that was my family. If I have to stop breathing for someone I care dearly- believe me I would! Wouldn't you do the same?

It is hard to want to be with someone "hanging out" when that someone spends it's time on something else mean while you standing by and wait. You wait for that " just gonna take a second" which turned into an hour or more, to finish and see his face coming trough the door. Your eyes light up and a smile appears on your face, your " standing by" is over finally, but you just find out he is tired, it was too late. 

You standing by for the perfect moment to say " I love you" and when you do you want to be recognized as a believable statement, but you end up keep standing by. You shed tears quietly in bed standing by, and you become a problem being mopey all the time, you keep standing by. Ah, how you wish to touch him and kiss him everywhere, but it is so hard not knowing how he would react. You hear " only happens when I want" and you feel you doing something wrong... Hard man to love is standing by and it hurts at times, but what can you do else? How long would standing by last for you?

It is hard watching others being happy, holding hands, kissing and laughing along the road, happy pictures, you ask yourself, is this possible for me to be the same? Why do you have to even ask! You don't know the answer? 

I am standing by! Watching a hard man playing a video game... I am trying to understand, why is it so important to him and why so many wasted hours on it, when could be something else. You ask yourself is the game better than me? It relaxes him he says, but it's always the same. Is it possible to be addiction? He denies at once! Just like smoking maybe, it relaxes you, and it's sure hard to quit at once. You are so tired, not enough sleep, why play this game for hours? I am standing by, it hurts. Yes call me selfish, I would like to be noticed, more then once a day for two minutes. Yes I like to be close and I like to have space, and I believe I give so much space with this game and everything else...how much more space do you need? Is it better to role play with other people for hours and just for an hour in real life with just one person or two? If you don't have addiction, why can't you give it up for a day or more? Can you stand by and wait to be noticed every day, every time by the one who you care for? It is hard I am telling you, hard man to love... I wonder if I can get use to do that forever? You want to be my friend, ask me what I feel, help me trough emotions, help me understand, tell me how you feel. Don't be upset when I do tell you though that sometimes it's hard for me, it is not easy to standing by. You say we are all different, true, but when you had a bad relationship before and you were doing everything alone, doesn't mean it's gonna be the same with this one. I was standing by all my life so far I've known, I don't want to do that for a lot more now. I am different. How can I even say that when you say there is nothing to talk about it sometimes? How can I make a difference in which world you living now? You call me Hun, you call every other woman Hun... Where are you now?

Talk to me, I am standing by, waiting for you, can't you see...?