HUMAN BEING

I do know the fact that I am an actress, but when I am not on the set- it's just me. I do not entertain people, I have my own opinions, so I am sorry if you are one that doesn't want to hear any of mine. I know we often get upset, mad, even extremely angry, but when that happen to me I do not push away the people I care for. I try to sit down and listen, understand, their feelings and thoughts. I try hard to take criticism, other's opinions and advice.  That doesn't mean I will always do what other's say, but I do listen and I do hear every word. One kid will get upset and run into her/his room and slam the door, one adult, however, will sit down across and say "Ok, I am listening" or "Ok, I want to tell you what I think."
It is hard to understand adults these days. We lack of using communication and we often hurt the people around us, the people who love us, the people we care about. If we do not want to listen, we get annoyed, and kick them out of our lives, just because it's much easy not to deal with it at the moment, but later we repeat the same over and over with someone else. 
It hurts a lot to fight for someone who doesn't want to listen and seeks entertainment. I can entertain for so long, but I have my own feelings, emotions and thoughts. I react on other's behavior and it is hard to not be distant when the person in front of you is distant with you. 
We are not perfect, no one is, but I sit down and I want to admit my false, say "I am sorry", and forgive each other. Can you do the same?! When I know you so well, you do not have to show me first how big of a heart you have and how tender and loving you are, and than put a mask on and be defensive, someone totally different with me. It is hard for me already, I see how you straggle, and how much pain you have. You do not have to be a warrior with me, this is not a war between us. I am not a dog either, that you can get rid of so easy when you have a personality conflict with it, I am human being that walks and it's able to talk and listen to you.    
You let me in your house, you met me with your parents, you introduce me to your most precious thing in the world- your child, you let me in your life, and at the same time you want me leave my thoughts, emotions and everything that defines me at your door. You do not want me to say out loud my opinions. You do not want me to be involved in anything concerning your life, you do not want me to know anything. Maybe you should get a doll, they are pretty, and they do not think or talk. You can get them out when you want and put them away or throw them when you want. I didn't walk into your life to make you upset, mad or angry, I care about you, I open my world and arms for you and for everyone in your world. I embrace it with no fear and I care, ah, I care for it...
My understandings for relationship is being together, doing things together, face problems together, solve problems together, learn from each other, talk, feel, think, create together. When you want me to walk out of your house and life and you want to call me when you feel bored, feels not much of a relationship. When you tell me to go away when you are upset and not tell me a word more, is not communication, it is more breaking my heart. When you accuse me of doing wrong all the time when I am trying to do good and not even listen why I did what I did, is hard on me to understand. You can easy disappear for hours, days, no word until you call back and talk like nothing happened. It is hard to understand it, I do not know what is this called. But is hard for me to be a part of you and care, and at the same time, not to raise my voice. 
I do care, I always will, I have a heart, thought is broken every time you push me away. I see the little things, I see how you ignore my wishes, my desires, my thoughts, my feelings. I know is hard to deal with it, but I am a human being and if I wasn't one, I wouldn't feel, care, love you, nor think at all. You can just tell me that you do not look for a relationship, as painful as it will be for me, I will have to walk away and not be a part of you and your world. If you want to tell me how you feel and what do you want- I will be here for you and I will listen, I promise you that! But you have to do the same for me, and not get mad easy... You have to give some thoughts and tell me... See the good in me, not just the bad. It is easy to just look at the bad and "trash" me to another. Does that have any point at all? Try to see me in within and understand my heart, my feelings for you... Please, do try to understand how I care for you and let me be, instead of pushing me away. Try to see I never did you any harm or cheated on you. Please do try to listen and understand. I never told you what to do, nor what is right or what is wrong. See my heart and soul. 
I know you face treats most of your life, but can you see I am not a treat?! Can you see the colors in me and around me, the beauty, the life, can you? Can you let down your guard with me and show me yourself? Do you even want to do that? No one else has to know about it, just to me... Do you want to enjoy life with me and see the goodness and it's beauty? Do you want me to show you some at all? Do you want to be with me? If I am in a relationship, missing you would be my hobby, caring for you would be my job, making you happy would be my duty and loving you - would be my life! Do you want to be in a relationship with me?

I will be here...just let me know.