To the one who says I love you...

I know but you don’t know that you don’t love me. Stop even saying that, because I might be coming from a different country but I am not stupid. Stop saying it over and over, because repeating it is not making it any true and we all know that. I know what you want and what do you need, but I told you before and I am telling you now- I am running low on what you want. I can’t give you any more.

I am like a full glass of water and when you were in paradise with me, you were taking my water and spilling it all over the ground, forgetting to fill the glass again. Now when you are in a dark tight cold place, and you are really thirsty for me, you want that glass, but remember the water? It’s all gone, you never replaced it. Now you need a miracle to create water…

Stop asking me why too. You know why, you are one day good and the next being an asshole. You said you are going to help me, and as soon as you become king, you rather step on me and destroy me. What the hell is wrong with you, you love me? Is this how you love or you just wanting me to kiss your ass? You want the old times, when I was spoiling you, when I was caring for ya, when I was the perfect woman in the world for you and you treated me like shit?! Well guess what as much as good I am, that much bad I can be. I am not stupid, and I want to be happy, and when you are trying to make fool out of myself, you are going in the wrong direction.

You can’t be with me and wanting every time to listen to whatever music YOU like. You can’t always pick the places that YOU like to eat. You can’t always tell me how you like this to be done and how you like that to be done. You can’t tell me that you did the world for me and I have done nothing for you. You can’t leave your stinky shoes next to the bed and call me lazy when I get fussy about your dishes laying all over the kitchen counter. You can’t go out with me every time I pay and when I ask you once you to take care of it to tell me you’re broke. You can’t laugh at my English and the things I say sometimes incorrect when you use the English words improper, for example “I love you” and you really don’t. You can’t even wonder what is wrong with me when I am upset because of your behavior and you act one day nice with me and the next two weeks lazy. You just can’t, do you understand, you just can’t love me!

You can’t be an asshole and step on me like I am a little bug, so you to feel like a man and after that to tell me that you love me and expect everything to be fixed. You just can’t treat me like that. You don’t even know me, how do you even love me? 

Proud to be an American!

So many people ask me, wonder and assume many things about me, here are some…

1. I am illegal
2. I married for a green card
3. I am Russian ordered bride
4. I came with a student visa
5. I came as a tourist but I stayed longer and now I am illegal

I must say none of it is true and I can tell you simply the process.

I met my ex in my country. I never thought or dreamed of going to America , not even after I met him. But his contract finished and he had to go back to USA . We engaged before he left and we promised to see each other again soon in my country or in his. I never thought I will get approved for a visa because in my country people waited 10 years some to just get approved. Yet I got mine 6 months after he left my country and I had to gave up my home, my family, my friends, my food and everything else I know to go to this unknown to me country and see what is going to happened from that moment on.

Imagine how easy that was.

Yet as soon as I land the Immigrations give me ultimatum- “You are going to get married in 3 months or you going to be deported.” So I had not much of a choice but to sign that piece of paper and present it to the government here, as I already said goodbye to everything I known just to start a new beginning in this country.

The first official resident papers that they give me was a green card with huge letters on top saying “Permanent Alien”.

I always thought I was different from everybody else, but I never even imagine that I could be from out of space. But I always trusted America and America ’s Powerful Government. When I think back I do remember how I felt when I landed first time in O’Hara International Airport, it did felt as if I was in Man in Black movie… Maybe that is where came from my Identification Alien card…

They took my fingerprints, pictures, maybe DNA as well, I cannot remember anymore, long time ago. I agreed on everything, because first: I did not understand any English at all, but everyone was so nice to me, so I did not argue, and second: I was going to be part of this great big nation.

The first card was only for a year, I believe or two, after that I had to go again for more fingerprints and pictures to renew my status. That time I was able to talk back and answer the questions they were asking instead of nodding “yes” to everything.

 That Alien ID card was for 10 years.

And the law in WI is that if you are resident for 5 years you can apply for Citizen ship. Since I am very opinionated person, and I like to give that opinions to anyone who need it or not, I decided to become an American as that way I will be able to vote.

I applied, and they sure enough found fast that I am a harmless Alien and I haven’t been eating any humans in the past 5 years in Wisconsin . I participated in a group gathering where we all repeat few lines from the law book I believe, and I had in my hands the certificate congratulating me a being an American.

Do not get me wrong! I love my new adopted country. I do not believe I will ever go back in Bulgaria and start from zero again. I have everything here now and I am really happy and proud to be an American. It is a just a journey that I made, a bit different from others, to come here and be who I am now.   

So there is no illegal statuses or being an illegal immigrant here. I never been ordered from any catalog, (even thought I am in VS catalog every issue, hahaha), there is no marrying anyone for anything, and I have my American passport I do not need a green card. I can still eat you though J! 

Shit other people ask or tell me…

1. “Where are you from?” –Bulgaria (So I’ve been often asked at least once a day.)

“Oh, I know where it is.”- Oh, really? Where?

“Across the ocean…?” – Yes, as soon as you’re traveling east…

2. “We will all die in December 2012.” BS, we are though human beings. After all we survived Obama’s care; we can survive the Mayan’s calendar prediction. 

3. “See you later.”- Yeah right, don’t bother if you don’t mean it “later”. 

4. “It’s free.”- And what do I have to do or give you to get it “free”?!

5. “I forgot my wallet.”- Yeah, I’ll get the bill this time, and there is no next time going out with you! 

6. “It’s always 5 o’clock somewhere.” -Excuse for drinking or getting drunk??

7. “I’ll do it later.” -That always means “never”

8. “Do you watch football?”- You mean rugby? American football? Because everywhere else on this planet football is well known as soccer. .. 

9. “Do you want sugar with that?”- Yes, please. 

“Splenda, sugar twin, NutraSweet…” -No, I mean real sugar!

 “How about cream?” -Yes, please. 

“Nonfat, 2%, skim milk, half and half…” -No, I mean real cream. 

“Any butter?”- Ughh, yes… 

“I can’t believe it’s not butter?” -Excuse me; I can’t believe you just asked me that!

10. “Twilight is the best movie ever made.” - You are not old enough!

11. “You can’t do it.” – Yes, I can!

12. “I can’t do it.” – Yes you can, you are just lazy…

13. “It’s a secret.” – Yeah, that everyone else knows, but me?!

14. “There are four seasons in Wisconsin.”- No, there are only two- nine months of winter and the rest- constructions!

15. “Ma’am,  I am so sorry but we don’t know where your son is…” (My son’s formal school calling me on the phone…)

Top 12 things I thought about America that are not true

1. How are you? - I am fine. 

No, you are not fine, you are totally depressed, stressed, you are freaking out almost. You are wearing sweat pants, your hair is messy and you shop at Walmart. No you are not OK, you are not fine either. You are broke, your job is low pay or you do not have a job. Your kids are bouncing off the wall, you screamed at them all day, being a personal chauffeur, cleaning the house after them before they come back from school and make it as messy as it was. You walk the dogs, you clean the cat's litter, you wash the dishes, and you look at yourself in the mirror seeing an old ugly fat lady. You go to the mail box- full of bills, you do laundry, you pick up the kids from school, your hubby is coming home and demands dinar and a sex. NO, you are not fine, why don't just say the truth next time someone asks you, don't need to hear the reasons, but will make the person who asks you feel a bit better that he/she is not the only one total loser in the world with a bad day today.  We are all humans, and we are not perfect and always every time everything is fine. 

Please do not be offended, this is what I think about myself as well sometimes.  

2. Reality TV

There is NOTHING real about reality tv guys. If you ask me how do I know, I will only tell you this- I was part of reality TV show and they hired me as an actress and I had an acting specific role that they required me to ACT during the tv show. I do believe from personal experience that most of the reality tv shows are just fake and all acted for people's entertainment. 

3. Junk Food

People if you didn't have so much extra food that you throw away, wouldn't be a junk. I am coming from a country where the food is limited or not around at all, so every little thing that you put in your mouth called food is valuable and nutritious. Human body needs everything and whatever you do not need goes to the waste basket called toilet! Maybe we should not waste so much food, we can save money that way too. 

4. Free and Freedom

I am so sorry but there is nothing in this world that is free. Everything has a price and someone ended up paying it or will pay it soon enough.

There is no such a thing as free or freedom. 

No, let me correct that- it is a thing out there as free and freedom. That will happen if you are totally broke and you live in a jungle or island with no politics involved and no other people around. Than you will be free and have a freedom to do whatever, but you will feel alone, I guess not free still from problems and issues. OK now scratch my last thought too, definitely no freedom!

5. America's "next top models"

Yeah, right, rats ass. All these perfect white teeth, perfect hair, perfect skin and body are NOT TRUE. When I came here in America I thought I will see all those perfect people, but guess who did I see- just me and you walking down the street, all normal, all human.

All we see in magazines, TV and etc. is a product of a fancy technology and skilled people with magic brushes. I just feel bad for all these people out there that are trying to compete with those magazines…

Maybe if the truth was out there- will be less depressed people around, less crime and more happy days. WE ARE ALL HUMANS AND WE WILL NEVER BE PERFECT. Otherwise we will be gods right?!

6. "I agree"

Wow, on what really do we agree? Seems we agree on everything, while setting up an account, downloading a song, installing a program, and so much more we all agree to, yet we never agree on all the pages of stuff that they require us to do in the meantime. I am one of those people - I agree now too.

7. "I love you."- "Me too"

I am starting to get the impression, people do NOT know what is really love or they just don't mean it when they say it. 

“I love you” shouldn’t be the “the end” of your conversations and definitely not a goodbye at any phone conversations.

What happened to the perfect moment, under the moon light, holding hands, my head rest on your shoulders, we are looking at the full moon remembering the first day we met and then we look into each other's eyes and we feel this tension and sure irresistible attraction. Sparkles flying all over, hear beats faster and faster...and than BOOM "I love you", and I am all melting answering "I love you too and I really mean it!" Ugh, that’s cheesy, but so sweet and we should all have that moment at least once!

8. Police

So I am driving with a friend, going for a lunch. I am parking front of the already picked fast food place and it happened to be next to a police officer's squad car.

"What the hell are you doing?" I got yelled. 

"What do you mean?" I am blinking confused. "What did I do wrong."

"You shouldn't be parking next to the cop's car!"

"Why not? Am I braking any law with parking next to it?"

I didn't get an answer and I will never understand why the police is so hated in America. In my country we love the police, we fall in love with the uniform, we wave at the officers, and we always trusted them while lost or in need of anything. Here in America everyone is on edge when seeing a police officer. You know they are people just like me and you, right?! They just fallow the law and make sure you do too. Too bad we are meeting them often when we experience something bad in our life, yet every day we are NOT robbed, harassed, raped or killed is THANKS to them. So thank you Police officers for your duty and that you had the guts to go out there and risk your life for mine without even meeting me. And  I don't hate you for choosing that career path. 

9. Speed limit

What is this really speed “limit” here in America? I learned that if it’s saying 55, I can drive 10 over. If it’s 65, I can go 10 over as well, but I should not speed really more than that because that will really get me to a pull over and a ticket. So what is really the limit? I really don’t know, but I love it here in America.

They let me drive that fast, but I had a hard time with them giving me driving license. I had to go seven times total before they felt sorry for me and approved me for the road lol.

10. Chicken noodle soup

Yeah, right with chicken… In my opinion they should call it “Lucky chicken noodle soup” if you find any chicken in it- you are lucky.

11. Everyone is rich.

In my country everyone thought money here grows on trees and everyone is rich. Well, no exactly, everyone is rich with bills and some of them go for 35 years or life time, like a house mortgage or student loan. Do not ask about my student loan… hahaha

12. “See you later”

That means “not at all” or in a few days that will feel long as months. Same with “Call you later” and “Talk to you later”. I never understood why people don’t mean the words they say. And when I say “I’ll call you later.” and I really call them in a few hours it is so shocking to them…