AND AGAIN

And again here I am all alone, why I ask I don't know even how it happened by.
So this one lasted only 3 weeks of non stop talk every hour, every day. I was sure happiest I ever been but how and why you lie to me like that?! I want to curse , I sure want to scream and cry, but I simply can't. I can't deny my true feelings, I can't deny when I fall in love and I can't deny that is all I feel every time.  I just don't know why people screw with me, and not just rescue me... Lonely, lonely in my life. The last one said I am too much. How can you even say I am too much liking you or too much falling for you. Isn't that what everyone wants in life- to be loved?!
It will be foolish of me to be sorry for who I am, I am so NOT, excuse me mister for that! Let me tell you something, I know what I want in life- I want to give, to love and care for someone, who would and IS ready to do the same. I don't want you broken heart, I don't want your broken head or tears for old girl friends and etc. I am tired, I can't fix, I won't try, walk away from me, don;t even bother!!! I know I am so young, I know I have so much to live ahead, but I can't play like this with my heart and be hurt every time and try and try again. It's always less, soon will be nothing left!
You talked to me every day, you said you are not afraid, I told you who I am, I warned you we are not the same, I SAID I am very passionate, I dream a lot, I give too much! I let you in my house, you met my kids, you spend the night with me, you lie to me! Why? Feeling so ashamed how we met? Ex girl friend one night you see... and than everything changed- I am too much?! How can you planed plans with me for the next three months, how can you even lough with me or hug me or wanting to kiss me, wanting me to be a bit less? You tell me this and say I don't understand, NO, YOU do not understand. It's not only your life shit, mine is, it is not only you broken- I am, and I was many times, but I live and wanna live. I want to be happy, not hurt so go away and don't come back. Don't tell me you had time to think and realize I am the one, because if I was you would of known from the first moment you met me. Are you blind? How did I ever hurt you, what did I ever called you? I was ready for better or worse, but you fucked the whole universe! When it got worse you decided to run away, well be alone now. This is shit, cut the crap, and don;t be with me a sneaky rat, I can see well trough you and I well understand. Relax, I am not gonna go back, I am not gonna look for you even thought hurts as Hell. Look at the god damn moon now and remember we met in full moon and that was the best night ever in my life. Remember every moment we spent because it was the greatest in your life. Remember me, because you will never meet another one like me, so move on and live with that, and don't worry I will be alright. With time, my heart healed, I will open for another with great risk to be hurt again a lot just like now.
You came and turned my world upside down, I wanted to only know if that was the same with you- and you got scared and run away!Too bad, I don't need cowards! I want a real man!

WE ARE JUST THE SAME

Lips- tasting like a butter scotch candy. Eyes blazing in the dark. Hands- strong as titanium. Heart- racing horse. Smell of roses and something unknown in the air, I crave for you, my brain, my body, my soul, my heart desires you and only. How soon I would taste you, how soon i would hold you. Your beating heart placed in my hands, trembling I sing to it. Can you hear my voice from the other side, your gloomy eyes, and your heart in pain I can heal. Come to me, come. I'll show you the world, the colors, the flowers and smells, the magic and happiness you never felt before. Oh, come to me, just let go and come, forget and forgive all around you. Dear, I care so much for you...So nervous I am always before I see ya. I can;t help it but fear, do you feel the same?
My thoughts for a year...been always with you whenever you went, whenever you fear and heal. I know, all doesn't make sense and again that fear, but with time you will see and understand me, I promise you that! Come to me, ah, come and feel my power! Under all this stress and fear, after all this pain and no gain, my music still go on for you somewhere, just find your way to me.
All this words we said, all that happened- it doesn't matter, it matters what is now and what is after. My open hands crave to catch your fall and carry you on... All this death, all this pain you saw, it's just gone, believe me when I say this- just gone, what is now is my smile and make you smile. So what people talk, stupid only will, it still doesn't matter to me, what I care is YOU. Just a simple hug can change things, and believe in it, just a warm word can swirl world- I pray on that! And my words are not just non sense, I know, believe me I really know and feel you are just like me :). Couldn't happen in any better time for me and you, I thank God for this! You are here, yes, you are and always will be!
I know you knew, but couldn't tell, my glances, my incidental touches, my words sometimes, driving you crazy, it's all true, always been, if you haven't seen it you are a bland man. Look at me now! I am here and I feel the same as you, burning fire, crushing worlds, tears, heart in pain, broken love, my dear, how much more.... We are just the same! Fear, love, pain, can it be something more, it is what we make it though. Look at me, I am here, for God sake! I know it's scary but I am scared too, don't you think I don't risk all for this, but I am so happy, I don't know how to even begin to tell you. Just like by the fire, even the smallest touch means a lot, just like in the car when you show me the amazing lake view... So much and more, you can feel it I know... We are just the same you know, believe it, I can prove it!

Dancing with the cobras

HELL OR HEAVEN

In the dark room he stands alone
Feels all the world its crushing
All this pain inside has grown
Everything is so fast rushing...

Feels alone on that intersection
Which road this time he should take
He lost with the world connection
The people he knew turned to be fake. 

In the dark room he stands alone
His tired hands try to hold his head
He thinks hard what he did wrong
Can not see any future ahead. 

In that moment, she opens the closed doors
Entering his sad world with sure steps
To him she walks and end his war
"Please, take my hand" she says...

As she walked, light came into the room
Hope, true feelings he felt that instant
Like something inside him just bloomed
He smiled, felt the past stopped its hunt.

"Who are you?" He asked her shy
"I am here for you- who you need it most
Don't send me now with goodbye
I am here and I am not a ghost!"

"Please, back off!" with pain he said
"My world is sad, don't want you here
I feel inside so miserable, so dead...
I don't want with you that to share!"

"But I am already here, please
I can change this, look into my eyes
I can give you Heaven's peace
Clear all the storms on your skies.

Do you trust me, I am real
I am here just for you and only
Your deadly wounds I to heal
To not ever be so lonely..."

And she kissed him with passion
His Hell turned into Heaven
And he felt her strong compassion
Love on his heart was graven. 

"My life is yours!" she said
"Your life is mine?" he asked amazed
"Yes, until I fall stone cold dead"
And with that- true Love Blazed...

MY PRINCE CHARMING

Can you really snap out of something and change? I thought about it and I tried- I can't! Please forgive me for that I feel so much, for the wishes of mine to touch you, squeeze you, make sure you are there. Forgive for that I always want to hug you and kiss you, so much smothering you, I just care for you. You become everything to me in that moment, and I forget all around, I forget me, I lose control. I just let go, and being happy that I am here next to you. Please forgive me that I cherish every moment with you as I don't know if there is going to be a next one or if it is, when is that going to be. For me minutes are days long and hours- months. I get attached at that moment and I just don't want to let go, I care and I want to care, make sure you are warm, not thirsty and well fed, that you are not hurt or sad. I know all that is scary, but I can't really change, I tried hard, but nothing helped. And I really miss every moment with you, every touch, every hug, every kiss and word of yours, and the laugh...
Well, I am only the girl from the small village, what do I know about the world or the people in it or how to act and hide my emotions just like everyone else. I learned how to milk goats, cut grass, cook and sew, how to run with the winds, and how to chase my dreams. I grew in the wild, I don't know how to behave...
There is so much I want to tell you, so much to show you, so much hugs and kisses to give you. Only if you knew how much I care about you, from the first moment I saw you in that very cold morning, I felt like a thousand needles piercing my heart, just felt so weird, but so warm and enchanting. I always wanted to be closer to you and listen to your voice, which was the only one I heard that day and ever since. Is it that bad that I always thought of you time to time and hope I would see you again. Is it that bad when I saw you again after so long, feeling so happy and so sad thinking how hard would be to let you go again and how much I would miss you. 
I admired you and I do now more, for everything you do and the way you do it. I am so proud that I know you and I could talk to you, you will never understand how much that means to me. I feel like I am talking to an angel. I see your work as a hand touching people's souls. My soul was touched as well, but before I even saw your work. How can I tell you that I honor you and being proud, caring so much and yet so sad... Can you understand, or you will now run away? Perhaps I am a bit too much of the good stuff, maybe if I act cold, not saying how I feel, or not answering, not saying that I miss you and I care so much for you, perhaps I will be more likable? Or Perhaps I dream too much, feeling like Cinderella and you my only Prince Charming. Maybe it is still true, do you believe in magic? After that night we dance together, I lost my glass slipper, if you find it, can you bring it back to me? Can you tell me how you really feel, can you guide me into this path and tell me what to do and what not to? Even thought I know you some, I still don't know you all, and I might be stepping on your toes, but that's because I am from the village and I never dance before. Can you be my teacher and give me knowledge, while you hold me tight and kiss away my worries? Can you be there for me, while I cook you food or wake you up with some espresso? Can you be there for me waiting when I open the door coming from a long trip? Can you hold my hand while walking? Or leave me silently, because I ask for too much? 
Well you can or you can not, my heart goes out there for you, always been since the very first cold morning we met. I believe in you and the good deeds you seed around! I am proud of you in everything you do, and I don't want to even change a thing in you. You'll always be my only one Prince Charming no matter how many days or years pass by, no matter what happens and no matter the distance. I will always look at the door, waiting for you to walk trough it and see that amazing smile on your face when you see me...
من برای شما اهمیت بسیار و دلم برات تنگ شده خیلی، شاهزاده من جذاب!

ON TOP OF THE HILL

I heard once if you dream it you can do it. Yet so many years after I stand alone on top of the hill now and I am seeing the horizon. I feel I could touch the sky, but illusion is closer than reality. Yet falling off the hill is so easy, just letting go myself and I would roll straight down with no problem. I saw birds flying and I think I tasted love, but all flue by me so fast. Now I hold in each hand a beautiful child and I am still walking on the edge. I hear voices coming from below, some scream for help, some try to grab me and pull me down, but I clinch my teeth and hold my children's hands and pull back. 

I wish I could sing, so everyone could hear across my words and tender voice, but I have too many rocks swollen in my throat from years ago. 

I am on top of that hill, yet I am still in between reality and dreams come true, how that happened I don't know but I need a latter to bring me up. How can I build it all by myself? I have no materials, no paint brush- everything from me got taken away. Once I saw a sad face, broken heart and tears, I give all I have away, in try to fix whatever it was broken. But all those people- took it and ran away, far, far away. Was I too young and too dumb to realize how life works, how come I lived in my own world I created and how come I am still on top of that hill still strong, still walking on unknown paths. Is that is life all about, just walking?

MY FRIEND

To the one who always believed in me!
To the one who always loved me for who I am!
To the one who stand by me no matter what in countless times!
To the one who held my hand and walk me trough life!
To the one who listen to my bitching, laughing, crying!
To the one who hugged me when I most need it!
To the one who really, really care for me!
To the one who saved me numerous times from bad people or bad actions!
To the one who snap me out of it!
To the one who make me always smile, when I have a shit day!
To the one who tells me " yes you can!"
To the one who heard so much shit about me!
To the one who told me I am beautiful!
I love you my dearest, truly friend!
I just have no words of saying how much I really love you...
I stand by you even if there is a thousand miles between us at times... I will always be your friend!